My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
