Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
