last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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