My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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