i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
