You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
