i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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