i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
