If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
