Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
