he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
