If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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