Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
