I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
