She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
