she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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