Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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