There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
