I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize