I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We're too hungover to prance.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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