if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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