You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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