This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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