Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
