she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
