apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
