Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize