Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
