Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
