What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
