I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
