I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
