Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
