her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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