Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
