I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
