I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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