Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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