Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
