i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Jerry, you need to find god
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
