She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
