chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
