I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
