It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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