It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
