At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
