i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
