I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
