the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
