I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
