I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
