He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
