Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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