It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
