He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
