okay pat passed out under dana's car
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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