And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
