Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
