Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
