I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
