dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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