So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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