Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
