I've blown a few things in my day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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