i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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