i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
