You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
