lets start a swedish sibling band together
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
