do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
