Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
