I smell stomach acid.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
