Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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