You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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