It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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