So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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