Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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