And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
