Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
