Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
