So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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