I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
