I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
